Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
