Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
