Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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