i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
