I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
