I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
