I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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