hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
