$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
