when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
