you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
