There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
