Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
