I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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