I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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