i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
