i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
