Do you still have your period?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
