i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
