I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
one might say we're banned from that church
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
