In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
