I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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