i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
