I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
