trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize