my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize