bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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