her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
