roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
