I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
