Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
