So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
