I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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