the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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