i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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