he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
