Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
