Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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