im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
