38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
