i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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