he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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