spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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