omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Too much gin, very little bucket
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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