It's Friday. Sex?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
