either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
