He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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