doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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