my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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