His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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