I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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