my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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