I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
