That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
