I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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