This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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