Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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