where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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