I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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