she woke up with a sticky ear
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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