I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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