k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
