Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
