yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She announced her abortion via fbk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize