I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
a search helicopter?!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
