Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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