I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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