woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
