I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
