just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
