Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
